hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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