so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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