I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
