can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
