my mouth tastes like poor choices
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
