If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
