he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
