i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
