But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
