Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm at about main and main street
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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