come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just gargled with NyQuil
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
