Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
