therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
