I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
