I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
