he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
