He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
