I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
