Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
