If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
