I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
