Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
