This is not my ceiling
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
