my vag is so smooth its legendary
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
