Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
