On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
