Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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