guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
