I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
