: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I need to stop coming to work sober
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
