dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
