Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
