Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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