NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
