he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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