I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
