Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
