I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
