he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
