New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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