my shit smells like andre
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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