Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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