I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
