This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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