Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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