Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
