There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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