my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
