glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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