hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
