Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
