I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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