saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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