Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
